An Interview With Steamy Paranormal Erotica Writer Diana Persaud
As the father of a successful 30-something young woman, I was intrigued by the apparent though logical change of pace in Diana Persaud’s publication of a dating success How-To book called “Finding The One”. I was really curious what the successful paranormal erotica writer of the Soul Mates Series thought about relationships. Of particular interest to me was her view on the connection between modern feminism and young peoples’ apparent inability to commit. Ms Persaud did not disappoint. Read an interview with steamy paranormal erotical writer Diana Persaud as she branches out into dating how-to books.
1 Why are both 20-something men and women not particularly interested in commitment?
I think people are afraid to commit because they are bombarded with too much fantasy. Celebrity hookups and breakups are everywhere and it makes us normal people self conscious. We think, if the rich and beautiful couldn’t make their relationship work, what chance do I have?
This affects both men and women. Men think they need to be rich and good looking to get a decent woman and women feel they have to be pretty forever to keep a decent man. Not true. I actually made more than hubby when we were first married. Now he makes more than I do. (Teachers don’t get much in terms of raises. But the business world does reward hard workers.) I never considered myself pretty or attractive yet I still found The One.
The solution? Men and women need to sit down and really think about what they want out of life. Put the fantasy away and focus on reality. (Prince Charming is a fantasy. Shrek is not.)What are your priorities? [There is nothing wrong with being single, but I’m a romantic at heart and think everyone should have someone.] If you really want to be in a committed relationship, you need to think about what your values are. Do you want ‘until death do us part’? If so, you need to decide what you’re willing to put up with and work through to get there. If you think marriage is easy, think again. It takes work. Lots of work, but it’s worth it.
Before we got married, we discussed all of our ‘baggage.’ His father was abusive to all of his children and verbally abusive to his mother. She divorced his father when he was a young man so he didn’t believe in marriage. My parents were married and I’ve seen my fair share of abuse. I told him that if he cheated on me or hit me, we were done. Everything else, we could work out. I said it and I meant it.
You need to decide now what your limits are and stick to it.
2 Has the North American brand of feminism had any influence on this phenomenon?
I think some people don’t understand the idea behind feminism. Feminism just means being treated as equals. It means women have a choice as to whether or not they want to have a career, have a career with a family or simply have a family. Each person has their own goals, hopes and dreams and that’s exactly the way it should be. Some women might feel pressured to do it all or feel guilty by choosing family over a mix of both. Let go of that guilt. Stand up for yourself and your choices.
I consider myself a feminist. I learned early on that men cheat and women who were dependent on them were stuck with them. I did not want to be in that position. I went to college and had a career. I met my husband, we married and started a family (happy accident) fairly quickly. After my 6 weeks of maternity leave was up, I went back to work. Several years later, I had my second child and we decided that it was more economical for me to stay at home rather than pay childcare for two children.
Now I regret not staying home with my first. You really do miss out on a lot when you aren’t there. Just something to think about.
I think feminism is a wonderful thing. It allows us to be respectful of both genders and appreciate the differences. Anyone that feels that one gender is better than the other is simply a bully.
Another problem is that some of us are confused because so many women are feminists. Some men think they can’t open a door. Some women may take offense to that, but I think it shows good manners. STOP worrying about what OTHER people think and just BE YOURSELF. Be honest with yourself and with your loved one.
Men and women need to think about what their role is in a relationship and what they expect out of their mate. If you are both on the same page it makes your life that much easier. Some women want to be the traditional housewife and there are some men that want to be the traditional breadwinner. If that works for you, that’s great. But in today’s economy, what happens if he’s laid off? What’s your back up plan?
3 Since young people stay at home much longer these days than in the 70s, do they need less to ‘get on’ with their lives?
I lived at home until the day I got married. First of all, I’m a girl and in my culture, it was expected that I stay at home. It was great for me, because it allowed me to save up money for a down payment on our house. Hubby moved out the first chance he got. Why? Because he wanted to have sex and you can’t do that in your parents’ house. He got into debt. I had money saved up. By the time we got together, he was out of debt and had learned his lesson.
I think that people need to make better financial decisions. One of the main causes of divorce is money issues, so be smart about your money and reduce the chances of divorce because of financial issues.
4 Young people commit less easily today, yet romance books are selling through the roof. Please comment.
Other types of books sell as well. Some feature bondage and dominance, some like ménages. What ALL of these books have in common is that there is a ‘happy ever after’ or a happy for now.’ This ending will vary depending on the book. Regardless, it means the woman is satisfied.
What does that mean for men? Each woman has her own fantasy. It is important to realize that while some women might like to read about taboo things, she might not actually want to do it. But some do. How is a guy supposed to know? ASK her. Don’t be afraid to talk about sex. I’m a feminist but I like for my husband to be dominant in the bedroom. That’s the only place he gets to be the boss of me.
Women, you need to grow up as well. Men masturbate. Often. They look at porn. They do, even if they say they don’t. When we were dating, we watched one together. I couldn’t stop laughing. Seriously? This is what guys watch? But it’s what he likes, so I have no objection. My hubby needs to do it at least once a day. Unfortunately, I’m unable to keep up with his schedule. Either he does it with me or he does it by himself. I don’t mind as long as I’m the only one he’s having sex with. Besides, he has his crappy movies, and I have my stellar books. I think I’m the winner here…
Again, it’s important to know your boundaries. Hubby doesn’t chat online or go out to bars or anything like that. Watching some woman have sex with another guy(s) (and faking it) is not my forte, but it turns them on. By the way, don’t ever fake it with your lover. If he’s not doing it right, show him what works for you. Trust me, you’ll be glad you did.
5 How does love influence you as a writer?
The love I have for my husband is what influences me as a writer. Sometimes I write a novel for someone I know who missed the opportunity and the book is a way for me to give them a ‘happy ever after’ they didn’t get in life. Regardless, the more I love, the more I write to share that love and I hope it’s as contagious as a smile.